


Love Me Tenure

by Kacka



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 05:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kacka/pseuds/Kacka
Summary: Jasper Jordan to Adventure Squad:Not to be extra, but I'm pretty sure Bellamy's advisor is in love with my anatomy profAnd I ship itI ship it so hardJust Miller:Do we need to have a talk about how creepy it is to ship real people?Monty Green:We've had that intervention beforeMany timesThere were diagrams involvedAnd a quiz at the endJasper Jordan:You know what this calls forMonty Green:i know what you're thinking and noOctavia Blake:i don't know what you're thinking and noJasper Jordan:PARENT TRAPMurphy left the group





	Love Me Tenure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [swishywillow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swishywillow/gifts).



> Based on [this tumblr post](https://katchyalater.tumblr.com/post/165094322373/the-cimmerians-anais-ninja-blog)

**Jasper Jordan to Adventure Squad:** Not to be extra, but I'm pretty sure Bellamy's advisor is in love with my anatomy prof  
And I ship it  
I ship it so hard

 **Just Miller:** Do we need to have a talk about how creepy it is to ship real people?

 **Monty Green:** We've had that intervention before  
Many times  
There were diagrams involved  
And a quiz at the end

 **Jasper Jordan:** You know what this calls for

 **Monty Green:** i know what you're thinking and no

 **Octavia Blake:** i don't know what you're thinking and no

 **Jasper Jordan:** PARENT TRAP

_Murphy left the group_

_Raven Reyes added Murphy to the group_

**Bellamy Blake:** Even if Kane is into someone, he doesn't need our help  
He's an adult  
A real one  
Not like all of you

 **Just Miller:** stfu blake

 **Raven Reyes:** isn't jasper's anatomy prof....

 **Clarke Griffin:** My mom  
Yeah

 **Just Miller:** o shit

 **Monty Green:** ... this just got more interesting

 **Jasper Jordan:** I went to her office hours  
Because I'm kind of failing  
(related: your mom is a hardass, Clarke)  
But Kane was there and they were going at it

 **Raven Reyes:** Define 'going at it'  
In G-rated terms

 **Jasper Jordan:** Arguing  
Get your mind out of the gutter Reyes

 **Raven Reyes:** You're one to talk

 **Jasper Jordan:** Remember how Bellamy and Clarke used to be at trivia night?  
It was like that, but Next Level  
& Kane was lowkey giving her puppy dog eyes  
& he got all flustered when i showed up  
Like he was caught red handed doing something i wasn't supposed to see  
Like FLIRTING

 **Bellamy Blake:** You realize this evidence is incredibly biased right?

 **Jasper Jordan:** THEY'RE IN LOVE  
#ParentTrap2k17

 **Octavia Blake:** STILL NO

 **Monty Green:** ...  
...  
... I might be down to a maybe now

 **Clarke Griffin:** ...same

* * *

 **Bellamy Blake to Clarke Griffin:** Are you for real?

 **Clarke Griffin:** She hasn't really dated since dad  
I think taking the teaching job has been good for her  
I think this could be good for her too  
Plus she's like me. We bicker to show affection

 **Bellamy Blake:** You know you basically just told me you like me.

 **Clarke Griffin:** We also fight people we hate  
It's a fine line

* * *

 **Bellamy Blake to Adventure Squad:** To be clear, I am NOT in favor of a parent trap.  
However...

 **Jasper Jordan:** PARENT TRAP  
IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING  
DREAMS DO COME TRUE

_Just Miller removed Jasper Jordan from the group_

_Monty Green added Jasper Jordan to the group_

**Jasper Jordan:** Rude, Nathan

 **Just Miller:** Bite me, Jordan

 **Monty Green:** Hey???  
But also @Jasper if you don't find some chill I'm figuring out a way to disable your caps lock

 **Jasper Jordan:** Lowercase texting can never properly express the range of my emotions Monjamin

 **Bellamy Blake:** Anyways. Professor Kane.

 **Octavia Blake:** Not you too Bell

 **Bellamy Blake:** He may have accidentally CC'ed me on an email to her.  
Force of habit probably.  
It wasn't that incriminating but it was pretty friendly.  
He sent her a link to a Ted Talk they'd been discussing at some point.

 **Monty Green:** A romance for the ages

_Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to **Ted Talk Dirty To Me**_

_Clarke Griffin changed the name of the group to **Adventure Squad**_

**Clarke Griffin:** Did she respond?

 **Bellamy Blake:** If she did, she saw my email and took me off the chain.  
For which I am grateful.

 **Octavia Blake:** None of this warrants a parent trap tho

 **Bellamy Blake:** And I said I wasn't in favor of one.  
I am in favor of offering to set Kane and Dr. Griffin up.  
Not tricking them into falling in love.  
Nothing convoluted.

 **Clarke Griffin:** ^agree

 **Raven Reyes:** I don't have the time for complicated scheming anyway

 **Monty Green:** ^agree

 **Just Miller:** and I don't care enough for complicated scheming anyway

 **Octavia Blake:** ^agree

 **Jasper Jordan:** I can't believe I'm friends with a bunch of Disney Villains who hate true love

* * *

 **Clarke Griffin to Monty Green:** What did Jasper mean 'it's *finally* happening'?

 **Monty Green:** He's always wanted to parent trap someone  
He had a big crush on Lindsay Lohan when we were kids

 **Clarke Griffin:** I was more of an Amanda Bynes girl myself

 **Monty Green:** Hilary Duff  > everyone else  
But anyway  
You remember that time in high school we all went camping for Wells's birthday  
And Jasper somehow  
All by himself  
Got Jaha Sr.'s mattress out in the lake?

 **Clarke Griffin:** omg i forgot about that  
How did I now know Jasper was this obsessed with the parent trap?  
How has he never tried this before on anyone else?

 **Monty Green:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
All we can really do is ride it out

 **Clarke Griffin:** Ok but if he puts a lizard in my mom's hair I'm murdering him

 **Monty Green:** Fair

* * *

 **Jasper Jordan to Monty Green:** I WOULD NEVER  
For one thing I'd definitely fail anatomy  
That's the wrong side of the trap anyway. That's the marriage they're trying to break up not the one they're trying to make happen

 **Monty Green:** I just know you  
And whatever you're planning  
Make sure you weigh how much you want to carry it out against how scary Clarke can be

 **Jasper Jordan:** yeah, point taken. I'll try to tone it down

* * *

 **Nathan Miller to Monty Green:** Do you think parent trapping Kane and Clarke's mom will get Jasper to finally drop the other parent trap plan?

 **Monty Green:** Not a chance

* * *

 **Raven Reyes to Adventure Squad:** Update:  
I asked Abby what she thinks about Kane today

 **Jasper Jordan:** OMG

 **Octavia Blake:** How tf did you work that into conversation

 **Raven Reyes:** I was v smooth  
I told her I was thinking about taking a poli sci class next semester

 **Bellamy Blake:** Are you?

 **Raven Reyes:** Hell no  
Even if the dude who teaches intro is *fire emoji*

 **Bellamy Blake:** Roan Prince???

 **Clarke Griffin:** Don't act like you wouldn't hit that

 **Bellamy Blake:** No comment

 **Raven** **Reyes:** ANYWAYS i asked if she knew any of the profs and she said she knew the department head  
And that he was quote 'an engaging speaker with some interesting ideas' end quote

 **Bellamy Blake:** You could just use the quotes you know  
Instead of spelling it out for us

 **Monty Green:** I'm not convinced that means anything on her part  
She thinks he's a good teacher  
So what

 **Raven Reyes:** It was more *how* she said it  
And the smile on her face

_Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to **She Wants the PhD**_

_Just Miller changed the name of the group to **Sleep with one eye open, Jordan**_

* * *

 **Clarke Griffin to Raven Reyes:** You really think she likes him?

 **Raven Reyes:** She doesn't *not* like him  
I think she likes him enough that if we set her up on a blind date with him she wouldn't hate it  
You sure you're ok with this?

 **Clarke Griffin:** Yeah 100%  
I mean it's weird how invested Jasper is in it  
But other than that

 **Raven Reyes:** There's a girl in one of my labs I want to set him up with  
Maybe if he had a love life of his own he'd stop fixating on everyone else's

 **Clarke Griffin:** Who else's love life is he fixating on?

 **Raven Reyes:** No one's  
Figure of speech

 **Clarke Griffin:** uh huh.

* * *

 **Bellamy Blake to O:** How am I going to bring this up to Kane?

 **O:** Lmao you're the one who encouraged this  
You have no one to blame but yourself

 **Bellamy Blake:** Thanks as always for your support

 **O:** It's what I'm here for  
What have you come up with so far?

 **Bellamy Blake:**  I brought a bottle of whisky to the office last Friday when I knew we'd both be there until late

 **O:**  alcohol is a promising start

 **Bellamy Blake:**  I ended up drunk crying about how pretty Clarke's hair is  
It wasn't good  
I don't think he ever wants to talk to me about love lives again

 **O:**  You're a mess

 **Bellamy Blake:** Tell me something I don't know

* * *

 **Raven Reyes to Kiddie Table:** I think Clarke knows Jasper wants to parent trap her and Bellamy

 **Monty Green:** Yeah she seemed kind of suspicious  
I tried to distract her with former celebrity crushes but I'm not convinced it worked

 **Jasper Jordan:** That's fine, Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson figured it out too  
That didn't stop them from falling in love

 **Just Miller:** ok but this is Clarke we're talking about

 **Jasper Jordan:** u right  
If she asks, i changed my name and moved to canada

 **Octavia Blake:** If she asks outright we're telling her this was all your idea

 **Jasper Jordan:** IF I GO DOWN I'M BRINGING ALL OF YOU WITH ME

* * *

 **Clarke Griffin to Sleep with one eye open, Jordan:** So I'm at dinner with my mom

 **Just Miller:** Alert the presses

 **Clarke Griffin:** *middle finger emoji*

 **Just Miller:** *kissy face emoji*

 **Clarke Griffin:** And before I could even broach the subject myself  
SHE brought up dating  
Specifically how would I feel about her starting to do it

_Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to **The Scholar-SHIP is Setting Sail!!!**_

_Murphy changed the name of the group to **why am i friends with any of you**_

_Raven Reyes changed the name of the group to **Adventure Squad**_

**Jasper Jordan:** You guys ruin all my fun

* * *

 **Bellamy Blake to Clarke Griffin:** Did she say who she'd hypothetically be dating?

 **Clarke Griffin:** No  
We ended up talking about it more in the general sense  
How she hasn't really dated since my dad  
And doesn't remember how sort of  
And how I'm no help at all because I never notice someone is into me until they make the first move

 **Bellamy Blake:** Watch your mom be more competent at romance than you are

 **Clarke Griffin:** Fuck you I'm very romantic

 **Bellamy Blake:** Yeah you're right that convinced me

 **Clarke Griffin:** I could sweep you off your feet Blake

 **Bellamy Blake:** I'll believe it when I see it, Princess

* * *

 **Monty Green to Nathan Miller:** how come you flirt with everyone in the group text except me, your actual boyfriend

 **Nathan Miller:** *heart emoji* *flower emoji* *chocolate emoji*

 **Monty Green:** it's a start

 **Nathan Miller:** *eggplant emoji* *cactus emoji* *video game emoji*

 **Monty Green:** that's more like it

 **Nathan Miller:** I know what you're into

* * *

 **Bellamy Blake to Nathan:** Do you know how to tie a bow tie

 **Nathan:** http://www.wikihow.com/Tie-a-Tie

 **Bellamy Blake:** I could have googled it myself, dick

 **Nathan:** and instead you chose to text me  
Why do you need to know how to tie a bow tie

 **Bellamy Blake:** The university is having a fundraiser tonight  
Kane is making me go

 **Nathan:** you know who would probably be great at this kind of thing?  
Clarke

 **Bellamy Blake:** Don't start  
Besides, she's busy tonight I checked

 **Nathan:** Dude

 **Bellamy Blake:** You don't have to tell me how pathetic i am  
Trust me, i know

 **Nathan:** You should go by her place after  
Or get someone to send her a picture  
I bet you look hot all dressed up  
She should get to appreciate it

 **Bellamy Blake:** Something good should come out of having to go to this thing

 **Nathan:** I'm saying

* * *

 **Raven Reyes to Kiddie Table:** RED ALERT  
I'm at that fundraiser thing and SHIT IS GOING DOWN

 **Octavia Blake:** Details asap!!!

 **Jasper Jordan:**  How come I never get invited to fancy parties

 **Raven Reyes:**  because you're an undergrad and not a robotics major who needs to earn $$$ for her department  
So I see Bellamy talking to Kane and Roan (who REALLY knows how to work formal wear btw) so I go over  
And right as I get there, so do BOTH OF THE GRIFFIN WOMEN

 **Jasper Jordan:** omg

 **Just Miller:** How much did Bellamy drool when he saw Clarke  
Ballpark

 **Raven Reyes:** So much  
His jaw literally dropped  
You'd think he'd never laid eyes on her before

 **Just Miller:** he wants to lay something else on her tonight *smirk emoji*

 **Raven Reyes:** She was blushing so much  
Tbh it was kind of awkward  
Kane definitely noticed. I think he thought it was cute

 **Octavia Blake:** He knows Bell has a thing for Clarke

 **Monty Green:** Aliens trillions of lightyears away know that Bellamy has a thing for Clarke  
They aren't subtle

 **Raven Reyes:** I think Abby caught on too  
Roan and I peaced out pretty quick  
And Kane escorted Abby to the bar for another drink  
Under the pretext of giving our loser friends privacy  
But that wouldn't have necessitated his hand on her back  
Or her letting him buy her drinks the rest of the night

 **Just Miller:** Get back to Bellamy and Clarke. What happened??

 **Raven Reyes:** Well I don't know for sure but I told her she'd have the apartment to herself tonight  
And she never texted me back

 **Octavia Blake:** Wait Raven where are you texting this from?

 **Raven Reyes:** I may have let Roan take me home ;)

 **Just Miller:** Please tell me you didn't pause in the middle of getting laid for this

 **Raven Reyes:** Please, Nathan. I have my priorities straight

* * *

 **Nathan Miller to Bellamy Blake:** Dude you didn't come home last night  
Just lmk you're not dead in a ditch or smth

 **Bellamy Blake:** Confirmed

 **Nathan Miller:** ....okay but where are you

 **Bellamy Blake:** Let's just say Clarke very much appreciated my tux  
And something good did come out of it

 **Nathan Miller:** Hell yes  
Are you still at her place?

 **Bellamy Blake:** Like I'd leave before she got up  
Like she'd get up before noon  
I'm making pancakes and watching her Netflix

 **Nathan Miller:** You never make me pancakes

 **Bellamy Blake:** Maybe I would if you put out

 **Nathan Miller:** Sorry Blake we're both taken now  
Looks like you missed your chance

 **Bellamy Blake:** Yeah sucks to be me :)

* * *

 **Jasper Jordan to Adventure Squad:** Kane showed up at Dr. Griff's office hours again!  
Right as I was leaving

 **Bellamy Blake:** Not to alarm anyone but he told me he couldn't meet tonight because he had plans.

 **Octavia Blake:** I may have seen them holding hands...

 **Jasper Jordan:** OMG

 **Monty Green:** ^He's going to be insufferable now, you guys know that right?

 **Just Miller:** You can stay at mine for a few weeks

 **Monty Green:** I wish that would be enough

_Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to **2/2 SUCCESSFUL PARENT TRAPS**_

**Bellamy Blake:** 2/2?

 **Jasper Jordan:** omg

_Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to **Adventure Squad**_

**Clarke Griffin:** I KNEW IT

 **Raven Reyes:** smooth move jordan

 **Just Miller:** who did I bet he'd be the one to spill the beans?

 **Octavia Blake:** Me. $20 headed to your venmo

 **Just Miller:** Pleasure doing business with you

 **Bellamy Blake:** I can't believe you were all in on this

 **Clarke Griffin:** I can  
That sounds exactly like something they'd do

 **Bellamy Blake:** Yeah you're right  
I can't believe I didn't see it coming

 **Clarke Griffin:** Yeah but you got the girl so you came out ahead

 **Bellamy Blake:** Idk I'm a broke grad student. $20 sounds pretty good right now

 **Raven Reyes:** Get a room  
Or at least keep your flirting out of the group text

 **Bellamy Blake:** Not a chance

 **Clarke Griffin:** Yeah, you guys are getting what you deserve  
And so are we

 **Bellamy Blake:** Damn straight

 **Octavia Blake:** This is nauseating

 **Just Miller:** the worst

_Monty Green changed the name of the group to **No Flirting Zone**_

**Raven Reyes:** *obama 'it is law' gif*

 **Murphy:** I'm getting a new phone and I'm not giving any of you my number.


End file.
